Communication is often thought of as simple: one person speaks, another listens, and understanding follows etc. But for neurodivergent individuals, it’s rarely that straightforward. It’s not a matter of inability - it’s about difference. Their way of thinking, processing, and expressing may not fit the mould society calls ‘normal’, which, is typically shaped around neurotypical standards.
Many neurodivergent people are used to being misunderstood. They might be accused of overexplaining, missing cues, or reacting ‘oddly’ when they’re simply expressing things in a way that feels natural to them. On the flip side, neurotypical people may feel confused when neurodivergent individuals give long, detailed answers or focus on context over brevity. But these aren't flaws – they’re differences in communication style.
Being misunderstood
However, the bigger issue lies in how society treats these differences. Neurodivergent people are often expected to adapt, adjust, and mask their natural way of communicating to meet neurotypical expectations, though rarely (and sadly) is the same effort made in return. This creates a communication imbalance that can lead to anxiety, exhaustion, and a deep sense of not being accepted for who you are. Context is key for many neurodivergent individuals. They may feel the need to explain the full picture – not to argue, but to feel understood in a world that doesn’t seem to want to understand. But in that very same world that values quick responses and unspoken rules, this can be misread as defensiveness or overthinking. Over time, this often leads to self-doubt, masking, and communication burnout. Many learn to constantly second-guess their words, not because of insecurity, but because they’ve been told their natural way of speaking is ‘too much’.
This misunderstanding is part of what’s known as the Double Empathy Problem, a concept introduced by Dr. Damian Milton. It suggests that the communication gap between neurodivergent and neurotypical people isn’t due to a lack of empathy on one side – it’s mutual. Both groups struggle to understand each other, yet only one is usually expected to employ empathy and adapt their behaviour.
Bridging the gap
True communication is a two-way street. It is important to now recognise that neurodivergent individuals already put in a tremendous amount of effort to meet others halfway. Now, it’s time for neurotypical people to do the same. That means listening without judgment, asking questions rather than assuming, and letting go of the idea that there’s one ‘right’ way to express thoughts and emotions. When we make space for different communication styles, we build trust, empathy, and genuine connection. We move from simply exchanging words to truly hearing one another. And that’s where real understanding begins – not in conformity, not in familiarity, but in compassion.
Meeting Halfway in the Therapy Room
In therapy, this meeting in the middle is not just possible. It’s essential. For therapists, it means learning to adapt their own communication style rather than expecting clients to conform to theirs. That might look like giving more time for responses, inviting context instead of avoiding it, or tuning in to what someone means, not just how they say it.
The goal isn’t to “correct” but to understand. When a therapist brings curiosity instead of assumptions, and openness instead of expectation, it becomes a space where neurodivergent clients can feel seen without having to shrink themselves. This shift can make therapy not just supportive, but transformative. A place where difference is not just respected, but welcomed.
