Christmas can be one of the toughest milestones after divorce. While the world around you seems to celebrate warmth, togetherness and tradition, your own festive season may feel filled with uncertainty, loneliness or emotional strain.

If you’re dreading your first Christmas as a newly divorced adult, it’s important to know you’re not alone and there are ways to make the day easier on yourself.

Our members share insights and tips on how to navigate your first post-divorce Christmas.

Adjusting to a different kind of Christmas

“The first Christmas after a divorce can feel unfamiliar in ways that are hard to prepare for,” says therapist Roya Royle. “Often the aim isn’t to enjoy the day, but simply to get through it with as little extra strain as possible.”

How the day looks will depend on your circumstances. You might be spending Christmas alone for the first time, without children, or still surrounded by family or friends. “Each of these scenarios brings its own challenges,” Roya explains, “but there are small ways to make the day more manageable.”

One helpful step is to make the day feel a little more your own. “That could be a different breakfast, a short walk at a new time or place, or music you enjoy,” she says. “If the house feels quiet without children, a small ritual just for you can feel grounding. If the day is busy with others, even something simple, a favourite jumper or mug, can help.”

Roya also encourages flexibility. “It’s alright to let the usual rules bend,” she says.

“Traditions can feel tightly bound to life before the separation, and that can make the day more painful. Simplifying meals, skipping decorations or letting go of certain rituals is completely okay.”

Embrace the uncertainty

“Change brings uncertainty,” says therapist Lina Mookerjee. “The first Christmas after divorce is full of firsts.”

Roya agrees that unfamiliarity itself can be unsettling. “You may not know yet what feels comforting or what feels too much,” she says. “That’s normal.”

Lina suggests pausing to check in with yourself. “Take stock of how you feel about engaging with Christmas this year. Notice what uncertainty feels like for you. Is it nudging you to be more engaged, or signalling that you need to retreat and protect your energy? Either response is valid.”

Be kind to yourself

“Your emotions and experiences are yours alone, and they deserve recognition — not judgment,” Lina says.

Roya adds that grief often shows up physically as well as emotionally. “Tension, exhaustion or overwhelm are common,” she explains. “Paying attention to your body can help make the day more bearable.”

Lina suggests slowing things down. “Give yourself space to step back and name what you’re feeling. Acknowledge sensations and thoughts as they arise, using slow, steady breathing to help ground your body.”

Look after your body and energy

“Light movement, time outdoors, or even a nap can really help,” says Roya. “Planning something like a parkrun or another local activity can give the day structure and a sense of connection.”

She also suggests volunteering if being alone feels hard. “Helping at a community project can get you out of the house and remind you that you’re useful and valued. Helping others builds self-esteem.”

Watch for FOMO — and say no if you want to

“It’s normal to feel pressure, internal or external, to keep up with traditions or attend events, even when your body is telling you otherwise,” says Lina. “Fear of missing out (FOMO) can pull you into situations you’re not ready for.”

Roya agrees. “You don’t have to do Christmas ‘properly’ this year,” she says. “Letting yourself off the hook can be a huge relief.”

“Notice how your body feels as you make decisions,” Lina adds. “Your mind may push you to ‘just go’, while your body asks for rest or space. Your needs are valid, and you’re allowed to change your mind.”

Establish gentle boundaries with others

When seeing relatives or friends you haven’t seen in a while, questions about the separation may arise. “You don’t owe anyone detailed answers,” says Roya. “Planning a simple response in advance can help you maintain boundaries.”

She suggests something brief and calm, such as: “It’s a difficult time, but we’re managing.”

Lina adds that well-meaning people may offer unsolicited advice. “Their intentions may be kind, but their timing or approach might not be helpful,” she says.

She suggests responding with a boundary that still feels respectful:

“I respect that you have experience, but mine is different. What worked for you may not work for me. I’ll find my own way in my own time.”

Support can make a difference

Roya highlights the value of professional support. “BACP-registered counsellors are trained to work safely and ethically with people facing loss, change and grief,” she says.

“Many counsellors won’t be working over Christmas itself, so it can help to plan ahead - perhaps by noting your thoughts or feelings on the day and bringing them to a session afterwards. Having that confidential space to reflect can make the day easier to face and process.”

Adjustments and planning won’t remove how difficult a first Christmas after separation can be. But, as Roya says, “Preparation can make it more manageable.”

“You can survive it — and, bit by bit, begin to find ways to make Christmas feel more like your own again,” she adds.