You’re still waiting for that friend to reply to agree a time to meet up coffee. Or you’ve realised you only know about your school friendship groups’ lives from Facebook, rather than real-life catch ups.

Or you’ve discovered it’s hard to talk to the friend you used to tell everything to, as now it feels like you’ve nothing in common.

Any of these situations sound familiar? Then you’re not alone. Keeping up friendships as an adult can be hard.

In fact, one in five therapists (21%) say they have seen an increase in friendship issues coming up in the therapy room over the past year, according to our 2025 Mindometer survey.

It’s perhaps no coincidence the survey found that loneliness and isolation are also on the rise - with 45% of therapists saying they’d seen an increase of these issues in the past year.

So is it harder for adults to keep up their friendships now than previously? And what can we do if we’re struggling with this? We asked some of our members for their views.

Jodie McCormack says that our busy lives, changing working patterns, expensive childcare but also the increase in activities that children do, are just some of the many contributing factors to us having ‘less time to slow down’ and see friends as adults.

She adds: “We’re prone to comparing ourselves to others and in adulthood, it’s much harder to make friends. Not everyone continues their friendships from school and this can have a knock on effect on self-esteem and confidence.”

The loneliness epidemic

Stefan Walters says: “There’s currently an epidemic of loneliness, as society continues to feel more fractured and disconnected.”

He cites reasons including the “increase in remote working since the pandemic, political, financial and social issues converging and causing fractures in relationships, and a sense that everyone is constantly exhausted and busy.”

He tells how these challenges regularly come up in therapy, as people report a breakdown of friendships, and a real lack of connection in their lives.

He adds: “This is particularly true for people in middle age, as research shows that we have the peak number of friendships in our 20s - perhaps when we are still in touch with friends from school and university - and these dwindle over time, as people have children and careers, or move away.”

Ghosting and drifting

And Ragini Jha highlights the particular challenges for Gen Z – those born between 1997 and 2012 - which impact on friendships.

She says: “Gen Z has higher online exposure but a lower sense of belonging or trust. Reaching out, apologising, or expressing care sometimes feels too vulnerable, and people end up ghosting or drifting."

But Ragini adds that at the same there's been a rise in 'connection events' - where people specifically go to planned in-person activities to meet like-minded people and build lasting friendships (such as Timeleft or 222). She says there's a "clear interest" from people who want to make new friends.

If these experiences sound familiar – what can you do about it? Here are a few ideas from our members.

Remember friendship quality matters more than quantity

Both Jodie and Stefan say that it’s not the quantity of friends that’s important but the quality of the friendships.”

Do you have a connection with these people? Do you feel safe with them? Do you trust them?

“We can be surrounded by crowds of people and feel lonelier than ever, if we do not have a sense of authentic connection,” Stefan adds.

Ragini adds that what matters is that you feel reciprocity and safety, not quantity or frequency.

Be honest with your friends

“Let your friends know how you’re feeling and what you’re struggling with. You might be surprised to find they have similar struggles,” says Jodie.

“Remember that other people are probably struggling too and would probably welcome your ‘hello’.”

Explore why you’re struggling with friendships

Jodie says: “I’ve noticed people tend to feel bad about themselves and blame themselves for this struggle without noting all the reasons that could be leading up to this difficulty.

“I support people to explore what might be preventing them from making friends and have seen that there can be a reluctance to do so, often stemming from a bad experience with previous friendships, a fear of rejection or generally being unsure how to communicate.”

‘Microdose’ experiences of connection

Stefan says it’s important to ‘microdose’ experiences of connection. “Experiences like smiling at strangers in the street, making small talk with people in shops or at the bus stop, or chatting to office colleagues over a cup of tea are all important ways of feeling more connected,” he adds.

“Research shows that the social parts of the brain literally start to shut down and atrophy when we lack social connection, so it's important to keep these experiences going, rather than becoming more introverted or isolated.”

Make your meet-ups manageable

We keep saying that people have busy lives and no time  or money to catch up with friends – so how do we address this?

Jodie recommends scaling down grand plans and being more realistic.

She says: “Suggest what is manageable to you in terms of meeting up, this could lead to low-cost, manageable and enjoyable days with friends.”

Ragini recommends scheduling community or friendship time as this “deserves intentionality.” She recommends to “schedule community time the way you would exercise or rest.”

Seek activities that are authentic to you and provide an opportunity to connect

Jodie says: “I often encourage people to look at practical ways they could make friends and we usually mind map this together. Frequent suggestions tend to be joining local groups of interest or attending local libraries, community centres or online spaces to see what’s available.”

Stefan also recommends seeking out “new activities and communities that give us a sense of unity and shared meaning.”  He adds: “It’s important that we find something authentic to us, which might offer an opportunity for connection with others.”

Accept that sometimes we outgrow friendships

Not all friendships will last for ever – people and circumstances change.

Jodie says: “It can be painful to consider and to accept, but sometimes, we outgrow our friendships, and that’s ok. As we grow and develop ourselves, we might become interested in different things or realise some people aren’t that good for us.”