Paul Lipman

I offer both In person and sessions by video link.  I offer morning, afternoon and evening sessions. Also on Saturday mornings. 

My counselling room is situated 300m from Caterham main line station and 2m from junction 6 M25. 

We are situated in a quiet area and there is plenty of parking of site. 

It's best to contact me to find out what spaces I have and please feel free to call or text if easier for you. 

Everyone can have a no cost initial meeting of up to 75 minutes to find out if working together is right for you. 

Couples often arrive feeling exhausted, disconnected and stuck in the same painful cycles, despite trying everything they can think of to make things better. The good news is that relationships can change, often more than people imagine.

I specialise exclusively in couples counselling and have spent the last 15 years helping partners understand what is really happening between them and how to create lasting change. Whether you are struggling with constant arguments, emotional distance, loss of intimacy, resentment, trust issues, feeling more like flatmates than partners, or wondering whether your relationship can survive, I can help.

Many couples focus on the visible problems in their relationship, but beneath these are often unseen patterns that keep them trapped in the same outcomes. Until these patterns are understood, neither partner can fully influence what happens between them. As a result, the harder people try to solve things, the more frustrated and discouraged they often become.

My role is to help you understand the dynamic that is operating between you. Together we identify the patterns that keep difficulties in place, understand how each of you contributes to maintaining them, and develop new ways of relating that strengthen connection, trust and understanding.

My approach combines psychotherapy, relationship education and practical communication skills. This allows us not only to address the difficulties that brought you to counselling, but also to develop the skills needed to create a healthier relationship moving forward.

I am an active and involved therapist. I help couples understand what is happening, slow difficult moments down when needed, and provide clear guidance throughout the process. Alongside our sessions, I offer practical tools and exercises that help progress continue beyond the therapy room.

I offer a free, no-obligation initial meeting where you can ask questions, learn about how I work and decide whether counselling feels right for you.

My journey into this work began long before I became a therapist.

Growing up in a heavily controlled home environment left me ill-equipped for adult relationships. Even when I cared deeply and believed I was doing the right thing, I often found myself making things worse. We both wanted the relationship to work, yet somehow we kept ending up in the same painful place.

Eventually I found my way into therapy. What I learned transformed both my understanding of relationships and the direction of my life. It helped me understand why good intentions are often not enough, why people can love each other and still struggle, and why many relationship difficulties persist despite genuine effort from both partners.

That experience led me to train as a psychotherapist. As I began working with clients, I noticed that many people seeking help for other concerns were also experiencing significant difficulties in their relationships. Many of the struggles they described felt familiar. This led me to focus exclusively on relationship work.

Over time I became aware that most approaches to couples counselling focused on only part of the picture. Some concentrated on communication, others on behaviour or emotional connection. Whilst all can be valuable, I found that many couples needed something broader.

As a psychotherapist, I knew that individual patterns, emotional processes and personal histories often influence what happens between partners. I also knew that most people have never been taught the principles that underpin healthy relationships. Bringing these elements together became the foundation of the way I work today.

What continues to inspire me is seeing the moment a couple begins to understand what has been happening between them and realises change is possible. Difficulties that once felt impossible to overcome start to make sense, and new possibilities begin to emerge.

I remain as committed to this work today as I was when I first started helping couples all those years ago.

As I offer an initial session at no charge I usually have a picture of your troubles by the time we have our first therapy session. You don't have to know what to say or where to start. I'll see how difficult it might be for either of you and we'll begin at a pace and in a way that allows you to both to settle in, whilst not missing opportunities for you to make progress. The only difference in the early sessions is that often there is more of me involved. As you get used to them, and make progress I will be needed less and less. The only one thing I always do is highlight and gently stop unhelpful conversation, and explain why.