Bereavement is the most common reason people over 65 seek therapy, according to our latest Mindometer1 survey. As part of National Grief Awareness Week (2–8 December 2025), our former Vice President and grief specialist Julia Samuel MBE shares what older adults – and those close to them – need to know about navigating grief in later life.

Despite being part of a generation encouraged to “keep going” and “not make a fuss,” older adults often face a particularly heavy emotional burden. Julia explains: “Those aged sixty-five and over often have to contend with many more friends, siblings and partners dying. They are also facing their own mortality.” Grief may also stem from illness, diagnosis or the loss of purpose and routine, making this period especially complex.

The power of simply showing up

According to Julia, one of the most powerful things loved ones can do is simply show up. “Being present, being kind and fundamentally listening has much greater impact than you probably recognise,” she says. Many people want to fix grief, but “what helps most is being alongside the person, checking in with what they need and suggesting what you can do that might help.”

Listening without rushing is essential. “Let them talk. But if they don’t want to, maybe walk together and just be together, side by side.”

Older adults may also need practical help, especially after the early weeks when support often fades. Julia notes that while bereaved people receive attention in the first months, “over time, everybody disappears and they’re left on their own – and that is the worst thing for them.”

Say their name

Talking about the person who has died can be deeply comforting. “Say their name. Hear the stories – the life stories but also the death stories,” says Julia. “Allow them to remember and connect with the person who has died. Show photographs, share your memories. Although the person has died, the love for them never does.”

Julia assets that validation matters too. “Don’t try to take their pain away. Acknowledge what they feel. Reflect back what you’ve heard them say.”

The biggest risk: loneliness

One of the biggest risks for older adults after a major loss is loneliness. “When people are bereaved who are older, loneliness and social isolation are the single biggest risk they face,” says Julia. Maintaining connection is crucial.

Encouraging grief counselling can be difficult. Some may feel judged when therapy is suggested, but Julia recommends offering it neutrally: suggesting that a therapist might help them process their grief can feel supportive rather than pressuring.

Grieving your own way

Self-compassion, Julia says, is essential. “One of the cruellest aspects of grief is that we can turn against ourselves and tell ourselves we’re not doing it right,” she shares. “Finding a way of being as compassionate to yourself as you would be to another person is really important.”

Grief in later life often involves multiple losses. Julia describes it as “a cupboard full of chaotic jumble. You take out one loss at a time, respond to it, process it, and put it somewhere new. You can’t grieve everything all at once.”

A physical experience

Physical symptoms may feel frightening but are normal. “Grief is embodied. It affects your cognition, your memory, your appetite, your mood and your sleep,” she explains. Because grief affects the whole mind-body system, what you consume – emotionally and physically – matters.

Movement can help regulate the body and mind. “When you move your body, you move and flex your mind,” she says. Gentle outdoor activity or walking with a friend can reduce the fear that often accompanies grief and help people think more clearly.

A shift in identity

A partner’s death can fundamentally alter a person’s identity. “They miss the person who has died and the person they were with that person. They miss the future they wanted with them. When a partner dies, the whole structure of how they live and who they are can fall away.” For some, the cognitive effects of grief combined with financial pressures can create additional stress.

Rebuilding connection

After the first months, many older people find the world goes quiet. Julia says this is often the time to gently push against isolation. Activities such as choirs, gardening groups, walking clubs, art classes or volunteering can help. “Helping others often helps ourselves,” she notes.

Recognise behavioural patterns

Julia encourages people to notice patterns that may keep them stuck. “We all have our default mode of coping. Some shut down, some collapse, some become stoic. But these automatic responses aren’t always useful. Notice what your behaviour looks like – are you withdrawing? Not going outside? Not talking?” Over time, these habits have a significant impact. She adds that substances like alcohol can worsen the grieving process.

Rituals can also offer grounding when grief feels invisible to others. “Lighting a candle, cooking their favourite food or visiting a meaningful place can externalise your feelings. These rituals are calming and psychologically healing.”

Why therapy matters

Therapy can provide stability and a sense of containment. “People can show all of their distress, their fury, their sadness. With family, we tend to protect them and say we’re fine,” Julia explains. The structure of therapy helps too: “Grief is chaotic and unpredictable. Having a regular session gives a sense of holding.”

She recommends looking for therapists registered with a professional body such as BACP, ideally with experience in bereavement: “Check that they’re properly qualified, registered and that you trust them.”

“Don’t white-knuckle it”

As for timing, Julia cautions against waiting until everything feels unmanageable: “Don’t white-knuckle it until you’re really not coping. Prevention is far more effective than falling apart.”

Grief after 65 can be painful, layered and disorientating, but with presence, compassion and connection, older people can slowly find a way forward. “You feel like a completely different person inside, but look the same on the outside,” says Julia. “Managing grief isn’t about pushing it away but recognising its impact and finding ways to support yourself through it.”

To find a grief specialist to support you or a loved one, please visit our Therapy Directory.

 

References

About Mindometer 2025: All figures are from our annual Mindometer survey of BACP members. Total sample size was 2,980 therapists. Fieldwork was undertaken between 3 – 17 September 2025. The survey was carried out online.